Be Your Own Best Boss

Chances are that much or all of what you do is ultimately self-directed, even if there are some areas of your life where you have a manager (such as at work if you have a conventional job). So if you have no boss, a bad boss, a boss who needs you to work well on your own, or simply a boss who is only helping you with one area of your overall life work, ultimately you are your own motivator and manager.

But that doesn't mean you can't be supported every step of the way - you just need to find ways to effectively support yourself. Take charge of this area of your life by spending some time thinking about how you can support yourself best when you take on this role. Here are some ideas:

1. Think about the very best managers, teachers and mentors that you've worked for or with.

What kinds of things did they do or say? How can you integrate these behaviors into the way you talk or think to yourself when you are working on something alone?

2. List the qualities and behaviors that a manager would have that would help you the most.

What kind of support and leadership do you crave most? Now, picture someone in your mind who is going to be an imaginary person embodying all of those traits and behaviors. What do they look like, sound like? Create a strong detailed image of a person that you can clearly see in your mind, and call upon them when you need them. Although in actuality this person is of course just a facet of you, personifying that internal voice and giving it a personality of its own can help you access that part of yourself more easily.

3. Make a list of some common challenges and pitfalls that often throw you off when you are trying to accomplish things.

Imagine what you would most like to hear from your ideal boss in those situations. How would they advise you or motivate you? One of my clients wrote out a list like this to keep under her keyboard so that she could pull it out and refer to it whenever she encountered one of her own common challenges in staying on task.

4. When you are actually working and run into a real tough moment, take a deep breath and imagine that that ideal boss is right there with you.

Perhaps he or she is standing over your shoulder or sitting in a chair on the other side of a desk. What can they say or do to empower you and get you through this challenge?

5. If you are feeling stuck in your work, pull out a notebook and write down a question for your ideal manager.

Then, in a quiet place by yourself, write down an answer as quickly as you can without thinking about it. The best way to do this is to put pen to paper and write continuously for at least five minutes or until you feel answered, even if you start out writing something that restates the question or even write just "I don't know what to write." If you keep writing no matter what, and keep focusing on the idea of what your inner manager would tell you, often you'll be surprised at the insights that come out on the page.

It's up to you.

Ultimately, whether we work for someone else or not, we are all in charge of our own selves and hence must take full responsibility for managing, mentoring and motivating ourselves to be the best we can be. Imagining a powerful part of yourself as a separate person is one way to access and learn to trust those parts of yourself.

What would your ideal boss be like? Have you ever used a technique like this to help manage yourself better?