Evolving: Parental Time Management

I'm starting this blog entry sitting in a coffee shop, positively reveling in the familiar coffee shop sounds: the whir of the espresso machine, the clank and jingle of the cash register, and the chatter of other customers at nearby tables. Before I had my baby, soaking up this atmosphere while reading or working was part of my life several times a week, any time I wanted.

Now, however, having this time is rare and an absolute indulgence and delight. This hot sunny afternoon is the first time I've been away from the baby for more than an hour since he was born. I'll probably be away for a whole two hours today which feels like a grand adventure. The rest of the time, I'm with my baby... mostly loving it, but sometimes longing for the ability to get more non-baby stuff done.

Many people told me that my time management and organization would fly out the window after the baby came. So far, that hasn't been the case. But life has certainly changed a lot since Arden arrived to brighten, deepen and complicate my world.

The challenges:

Greater demands on my time.

Nearly all of my waking hours are dedicated to baby feeding and care, and basic self-care like sleep, eating and the occasional shower. There isn't a whole lot left, so I have to be even more efficient about how I use what little time there is. I also have to be even more relentless about what I prioritize and what I choose to let go.

Less social time, less sleep and less time to myself.

All of these are tough for me, as to function best I previously was very careful each week to schedule some social time, some peaceful creative time, and some mellow alone down time. I still try to get a bit of each of these, but they are available in much smaller quantities because of the other demands on my time and energy. Between that and the lack of sleep, I feel like a well within me is running close to dry. I am still trying to figure out how to balance all this. Other parents keep telling me that this will remain a challenge but get easier as time goes on.

Energy use.

Because I am getting less sleep than I am used to, and getting my sleep in 1-4 hour increments, I'm constantly exhausted. I'm still getting used to the new normal and am hoping my energy level will improve in the future. Once again, this new constraint makes it imperative for me to make good choices about how to use my energy, including being sure to invest in myself wisely and make sure that I get as much sleep as I can, enough food, some exercise, and my one self-indulgent bit of self-care, my nightly bath.

Interruptions and unpredictability.

Starting things can feel unsatisfying because I never have any sense of how long I will have to work before the baby needs me again. The nearest equivalent in my pre-baby life was feeling at the mercy of my phone at most of my corporate jobs, but since I care so much about meeting Arden's needs, the feelings involved are more primal. Also, I don't have as many ways to manage these interruptions, and they are 24/7.

The joys

My baby, of course.

It's all worth it and then some. I am so happy with my life right now even when it's hard. I'm head over in heels in love with Arden and delighted by him every day. Gazing into his eyes or seeing smile makes me melt in a way that's so intense I don't know how to properly describe it. I thought I knew what it would be like to love your child, but it's more intense and amazing than I ever could have envisioned without living it. And I adore co-parenting with my husband and feeling our loving relationship continue to grow, too. Worth it. Totally worth it.

Living in the moment.

I have a new relationship with time. I do plan ahead, but usually loosely and tentatively. A huge amount of my time is structured only by what happens moment to moment. It gives me the opportunity to intensely tune into the present moment and be very zen about life.

Gratitude.

I take joy in the small things I love about my time with Arden. I also more fully appreciate the other aspects of my life, such as getting to sit in this coffee shop and soak up the ambiance and write about my life, something I previously took for granted.

And more

I'll write more about how my time management systems and tools are evolving post-baby, but I will probably save those thoughts for my other blog, since I know many of my readers here are not parents.

Other blog? Yes, I'm brewing up a new blog which will focus on parenting, productivity and life balance. I'm drafting some early entries and trying to think of a name for it right now - any ideas for me, readers?

So anyway, in closing, the value of a minute may have have changed, but the same basic tools and ideas still drive how I manage my time and energy. Ideally, a good system and set of principles can weather these kinds of big life changes and evolve to match changing needs. In your own life, how has your productivity weathered major new demands on your time and energy, when big changes make their way into your world?

Comments

[Tyan Hynes]

Great article! My life also changed drastically when I had my baby. Interestingly, I think my new focus made me a better employee. Since I don't have time or energy to spare I've become much more efficient in what I do. I try very much to be a get things done kind of person! I also appreciate that I have a new found ability to speak up and defend my ideas. This was initially because I was too tired to filter what I said as much. My coworkers really responded positively to my new way of expressing myself. Turns out my opinions are really valued and I was filtering them too much before! So despite the drastic change in my focus I feel like I'm getting more things and expressing my opinions more effectively.

[Thekla]

Tyan, what a fascinating thing to have learned about yourself - I love it! I'm so excited that I have a lifetime of learning from my son.