Danielle LaPorte wrote a powerful post about why she doesn't want life balance. She makes excellent points and I agree with many of them, yet my conclusion is different. I still love the term life balance and prioritize balance as a value in my own life. I still want to help my time management coaching clients come to greater balance as well if that is their desire.

The post got me thinking, though, about some of the pitfalls I've seen in how people approach the concept, and I decided I want to share my thoughts on what life balance means to me. Here's what I think it is... and isn't.

A balanced life is a life where you live your own values and priorities... not someone else's.

A balanced life is a life where you are aware of how you use your time and energy and how you want to be using them... so that you can make changes.

A balanced life is a life of fully conscious choices... not easy, safe choices.

A balanced life gives time and energy to the full diversity of what matters to you... but doesn't necessarily allow you to give equal attention to every thing each day, week or month.

A balanced life is supported by taking good basic care of yourself... but doesn't mean you won't challenge or push yourself to the edges of your endurance at times.

A balanced life is full of many emotional states... it's not always peaceful and serene, nor always free of stress, struggle or overwhelm.

A balanced life is still messy and imperfect at times... just like everything else in this world.

A balanced life looks different for everyone because we all have such different needs and desires... there's no simple one-size-fits-all solution.

A balanced life is dynamic and ever-evolving, growing and changing as you grow and change, constantly being re-created... not a static thing that you achieve just once and then have only to maintain.

Balance in life is about finding flow and joy in the many things you do, and feeling as if the pieces form an amazing and highly varied collage that you love, even though they don't fit neatly together like the ones in a puzzle.

It's not the balance of two objects of equal weight sitting on a scale. It's the balance in movement that a trapeze artist or a tightrope walker finds, a balance of sweeping motion and constant shifting adjustments and adventure. It's not about never falling down. It's about having the roots and foundation laid down so firmly that you can confidently trust in your ability to regain your footing.

If you don't pay deliberate attention to balance, it's all too easy to lose sight of the full wide range of things that matter to you. You can become mono-focused and gradually yet dramatically skew your use of time and energy towards just a few aspects of your life.   If you weren't looking, by the time you realize something's not working, you're already close to or beyond a breaking point. You may even have lost something or someone important through neglect... and it might be too late to fix it.

I think I feel some more posts coming on this topic in the future, about how to assess your life balance and how to bring yourself back to balance if you've gotten badly out of whack.

How do you define life balance? Do you seek balance in your life or do you feel it's a concept that isn't helpful to you?

Sometimes when working with time management it's easy to get caught up in to-do's and future plans. Planning and anticipating is important to create the life you want, but it's important to balance this kind of thinking with a sense of full presence in the moment.

Photo by Hamed Saber 

For today's Three Small Things, I needed to remind myself to stop and smell the roses - so I'm going to focus on gratitude and the here-and-now:

• What is one small thing that you are grateful for about this very moment you are experiencing in this very place?


• What is one small thing that you experience every day that adds joy to your life?


• What is one small thing in your plans for the day that you will take the time to savor and do slowly without rushing?

So don't forget to take three deep breaths and enjoy the moment this weekend... as well as do all the wonderful work and planning we all do for the future. Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

Chances are that much or all of what you do is ultimately self-directed, even if there are some areas of your life where you have a manager (such as at work if you have a conventional job). So if you have no boss, a bad boss, a boss who needs you to work well on your own, or simply a boss who is only helping you with one area of your overall life work, ultimately you are your own motivator and manager.

But that doesn't mean you can't be supported every step of the way - you just need to find ways to effectively support yourself. Take charge of this area of your life by spending some time thinking about how you can support yourself best when you take on this role. Here are some ideas:

1. Think about the very best managers, teachers and mentors that you've worked for or with.

What kinds of things did they do or say? How can you integrate these behaviors into the way you talk or think to yourself when you are working on something alone?

2. List the qualities and behaviors that a manager would have that would help you the most.

What kind of support and leadership do you crave most? Now, picture someone in your mind who is going to be an imaginary person embodying all of those traits and behaviors. What do they look like, sound like? Create a strong detailed image of a person that you can clearly see in your mind, and call upon them when you need them. Although in actuality this person is of course just a facet of you, personifying that internal voice and giving it a personality of its own can help you access that part of yourself more easily.

3. Make a list of some common challenges and pitfalls that often throw you off when you are trying to accomplish things.

Imagine what you would most like to hear from your ideal boss in those situations. How would they advise you or motivate you? One of my clients wrote out a list like this to keep under her keyboard so that she could pull it out and refer to it whenever she encountered one of her own common challenges in staying on task.

4. When you are actually working and run into a real tough moment, take a deep breath and imagine that that ideal boss is right there with you.

Perhaps he or she is standing over your shoulder or sitting in a chair on the other side of a desk. What can they say or do to empower you and get you through this challenge?

5. If you are feeling stuck in your work, pull out a notebook and write down a question for your ideal manager.

Then, in a quiet place by yourself, write down an answer as quickly as you can without thinking about it. The best way to do this is to put pen to paper and write continuously for at least five minutes or until you feel answered, even if you start out writing something that restates the question or even write just "I don't know what to write." If you keep writing no matter what, and keep focusing on the idea of what your inner manager would tell you, often you'll be surprised at the insights that come out on the page.

It's up to you.

Ultimately, whether we work for someone else or not, we are all in charge of our own selves and hence must take full responsibility for managing, mentoring and motivating ourselves to be the best we can be. Imagining a powerful part of yourself as a separate person is one way to access and learn to trust those parts of yourself.

What would your ideal boss be like? Have you ever used a technique like this to help manage yourself better?